


The One With the Sexuality Crisis

by laurenamberly



Series: Triple the Trouble - Triple the Fun [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Adults, Alternate Universe, Anti is Kind of an Asshole, Awkward Sexual Situations, Best Friends, Bing is Madly in Love, Brotherly Love, Chase is a Sweet Summer Child, Chase is oblivious, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendzone, Gay Bar, Implied Sexual Content, Jack Just Wants Life to Be Peaceful, M/M, Multi, Parenthood, Post-Divorce, Sexuality Crisis, Writer Jack, nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 01:12:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13447371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurenamberly/pseuds/laurenamberly
Summary: Chase is depressed, Anti has no boundaries, and Jack... justreallywants things to be normal.- OR -Jack was extraordinarily prepared for his date with the wonderful Signe Hansen when his twin decided to announce that he was contemplating his sexuality.  Brotherly Duties are a bitch, especially when Anti isn't a very helpful triplet.  In the end, they're always going to be there for Chase, though - right?





	The One With the Sexuality Crisis

**Author's Note:**

> This long story is the byproduct of some sitcom watching and unhealthy YouTuber binging. I think I draw most inspiration from How I Met Your Mother, but this doesn't have the same plot - if anything, this could be considered closest to 'Friends,' for its close examination at the comical adulthood lives of some very immature people...  
> I obviously don't own any of these characters (lol I wish), and I respectfully ask that any offense one finds in this story will be taken lightly.

“Wait, you stood up your date?” demanded Jack. “It took us fucking _months_ for you to finally upload a profile, and you _stood her up?_ ”  
Chase wrung his fingers around the neck of his beer bottle. He looked like he was having the most existential of crises. He really was, in fact, evident of the next thing he blurted out, like word vomit: “I had sex with Bing.”

Jack stopped walking midway to the fridge. In all of his assumptions about what Chase’s _perfectly logical excuse_ might be for not picking up that poor girl like he promised, saying that Chase had had sex with his best friend was most certainly not one of them. His mind reran all of the years they had Bing in their lives; he attended birthday parties, Christmases, was present for the births of Chase’s wonderful children. He had always known that Bing felt something more than just friendship for his brother – everyone knew that, really – but he assumed it was unrequited, and that was why Chase never spoke of it.

Apparently he thought wrong.

“Um – c-congratulations?” said Jack, hesitant. He turned away from his brother and considered the lasagna in the oven. The clock still had a fair amount of time left, but he needed an excuse to do something with his hands. He picked up the oven mitt from its place next to his silverware drawer and bounced anxiously, awaiting the beep.

Chase, meanwhile, dropped his beer onto the counter and approached Jack with an absolutely dumbstruck look on his face. “Wait, I just told you that I had sex with my guy best friend, and your answer is ‘congratulations’?”

Jack looked at him strangely. “You know I don’t judge gay people.”

Chase suddenly looked very, _very_ horrified. “I’m not gay, though,” he said.

“You just said that you had sex with a _man_ ,” Jack pointed out. “That’s – that’s about as gay as gay gets, sorry to break it to you.”

Chase’s right eye twitched ever so slightly. “Okay,” he said slowly, “you don’t care about the gay thing, fair enough. But aren’t you going to question the fact that it was _Bing_? Doesn’t that make you worry about my mental health in the least bit? Wonder what the fuck happened that made _that_ become the end result?”

The oven finally beeped. Relieved, Jack turned and pulled it open. “I mean, I always realized he liked you. It’s not that hard to believe, I guess.”  
“What – what are you talking about?”

“He always liked you,” said Jack. His eyes widened slightly at the abject terror on his brother’s face. “Oh, God. Oh, so this is a _new_ development? Crap. Okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t – I thought – ?”

“What did you mean?” asked Chase, his voice dangerously akin to a growl. “Since when did you ‘realize’ that he liked me?”

“I – I mean, _everyone_ knows about – Jesus, how fuckin’ _dense_ are you?” barked Jack. “Don’t get mad at _me!_ What kind of a best friend are you, not realizing when your best friend is in love with someone!”

“Bing doesn’t like relationships,” complained Chase, “I don’t know what Bing being in love even looks like.”  
Jack looked at him.

Chase very hurriedly picked up his beer bottle again. “Great. That’s – that’s fucking fantastic. My best friend is in love with me, apparently, and my own brother has known for years and never thought it was important enough to talk about. That’s _awesome_.”

“Dude, we were kids,” insisted Jack. “And then we were teenagers, and he definitely wasn’t comfortable enough talking about it. And then life happened, you met Stacy, she got pregnant, you got _married_ , she got pregnant again –”

“And then I got divorced.”

“Yeah, and you’ve kind of been an emotional wreck.” Jack ignored the wounded doe-eyes and turned to his carefully-constructed lasagna. “What kind of asshole would dump a shitload of gay feelings onto you when you were like that? Definitely not _him_ , because he _loves you_ , and would follow you to the ends of the goddamn earth.”

Chase sputtered at the blatant honesty. His brain seemed to be malfunctioning. “I…”

Jack sighed and tossed his oven mitt down onto the counter. “Look, I will be _right here_ for you to talk to later – but I am having a girl over, actually –”

“You’re kicking me out?” asked Chase. “I am having a _nervous breakdown_ , and you’re –”

“You are not having a ‘nervous breakdown,’ you’re having a _sexuality crisis_ , and you’re going to be perfectly fine.” Jack smiled, encouraging and full of brotherly love and comfort. “Now, please – Signe will be here in about an hour.”

Chase shook his head. “You – you literally don’t fuckin’ get it!” he said. “Jack, I had _sex_ with _Bing!_ ”

“You told me!”

“How insensitive are you?”

“Not very!” said Jack. “I told you three weeks ago about this girl, and you kept encouraging me to ‘go for it,’ and I am _trying to_ , but it definitely won’t _go anywhere_ if my twin is crying in the living room while we eat the food I _put a lot of effort into making._ ”

Chase’s eyes softened by a fraction. “The Scandinavian girl?” he asked.

“She is _Danish_ , as a matter of fact.”

Chase seemed like he was about to question something, but Jack’s attention to him was cut short by the door to the apartment opening. Anti waltzed right in like he owned the place and made his way to the fridge – and Jack’s beer.

“Hey,” said Jack, “what the fuck?”

Anti raised an eyebrow. He popped open a beer bottle and tossed the cap onto the floor. “Um, hi,” he said, “and ‘what the fuck’ to you, too.”

“No, I mean, why the fuck are you in my apartment?”

The oldest and most nonsensical brother of the whole bunch waved his bottle around vaguely. “I got bored, so I came over here. Why, what’s going on? Anything entertaining?” He took a swig of the beer, unimpressed.

“No – !”

“Anti,” said Chase desperately, “what do you think of the idea of me and Bing? And I mean that in a _romantic_ way. Like, gay.”

Anti paused and swallowed his drink, hesitant. He looked from Jack to Chase, then back to Jack and back to Chase. “Um. I thought we weren’t talking about it?”

“Oh, my _fucking_ God!”

Jack rubbed his hands over his brow. “Okay, Chase, we get it, you’re having a crisis.” He looked at the two of them, exhausted. “Can you both please get out?”

“Is that lasagna?” asked Anti, eyes widening.

“ _No_ ,” said Jack.

“It is,” replied Chase. “He’s kicking me out right after I pour my heart out to him, because he’s having a _girl_ over for dinner.”

Anti narrowed his eyes. “Seriously?” he asked. “Jack, come on. That’s not cool.”

“Right!?”

Jack pointed at Anti and walked all the way to the door. He opened it and made a show of pointing out of the threshold. “I _need you_ to leave.”

“Wait,” said Anti, “you made lasagna because you’re having a girl over?”

“Yeah, but I won’t be having anyone over if I have my two _identical fucking twins_ in my apartment.”

“You made her lasagna,” insisted Anti. “You _really_ must like this girl. Is she hot?”

“Get – _out_.”

“So, she’s not hot?”

“ _Out of my house._ ”

Anti pressed his lips together. “I am getting very mixed signals here,” he said. “Is she hot or not?”

Jack shook his head. “Stop asking me if she is _hot_ ,” he growled, “and get out!”

“Oooh,” said Anti, grinning, “she is _gorgeous_. You’re getting all defensive. No wonder you’re going through so much trouble, you were always a dumb romantic, but if she’s _that_ hot, you’re a fuckin’ goner.” His eyes landed on Chase. “Am I right?”

Chase shrugged slightly. “Yeah,” he managed, “kind of right.”

“Don’t encourage him!” shouted Jack.

Anti started to giggle. “Wow, you look like you’re about to pop a blood vessel. Kind of makes you look like Dad.”

Angrily, Jack pressed his lips together into a thin line. There really was no winning with these two, he realized – he actually had known that for a long time. Still, it was nice to dream. Maybe they’d disappear before Signe showed up. Or, more realistically, Jack would be driven out of his own place and have to spend a shit ton of money on a restaurant that he didn’t know she would even like.

“Aha,” said Anti, “the strong-and-silent treatment. I see where you’re goin’ with this, Ma.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s it.” Jack grabbed his wallet and keys off of the kitchen table angrily. “You both _win_. I am texting her on my way downstairs to ask for her address so I can _pick her up_ and take her out on a proper date to a _restaurant_ , far away from _you people_.”

On his way out, Anti asked, “Hey, does that mean I can eat some of this lasagna?”

Jack refused to answer and promptly slammed the door behind him.

  


Signe wore a purple dress with her hair done up. She looked like a fucking supermodel, and Jack probably looked ridiculously out of his depth, sitting at the table with her smiling at him like that.

“So,” she said, over a calm sip of wine, “have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons?”

_Yep,_ he thought, _definitely out of my league._ “Uh – No, actually. I haven’t achieved that level of nerd. Always wanted to. _However_ , I have spent way too much time on video game crap like Dark Souls and Cuphead. Hours of my life I will never get back.”

She smiled at that. “I spent, like, three weeks on Bloodborne,” she agreed. “It was thrilling.”

“Oh, my gosh, you’ve played Bloodborne?”

“Bloodborne played _me._ ”

He choked on his own glass, laughing through the pain. She smiled triumphantly, which he noted happily. It was hard to notice much else when he was feeling this tipsy. They had finished eating almost a half-hour ago, yet they were still talking like they had all the time in the world.

The restaurant staff didn’t mind – mostly because the last employee present was Jack’s best friend, and Mark was sort of obligated by the laws of brotherhood to not fuck this up for him. Once he had realized how well it was going, Mark was more than eager to reassure Jack that he was closing for the night. They had another twenty minutes before they would have to be kicked out, brotherhood or no brotherhood.

Jack placed down his glass and sat forward. He hadn’t ever done the whole ‘wine and dine’ thing with a girl before, but if this was how it normally went, he wasn’t sure if he minded it. “Okay, confession,” he said, “I was _way_ too into Bloodborne when it came out.”

“What do you mean?”

“I finished the game in three days.”

Her jaw dropped. “You are _lying._ ”

“I’m really not.” He laughed at her bewildered stare. “Seriously, I just kept playing. And I was sort of enabled by my mother, who kept bringing me food every half hour, to make sure I was still alive.”

Signe snorted, then immediately went red and covered her face. Jack smiled at her, though, and she hesitantly lost the shyness and resumed the conversation. “You must be really good at video games, if you managed that in three days.”

He shrugged. “I _was_. The amount of playing I do has – er, steadily decreased over the years.”

“ _Tell_ me about it.” She smiled, eyes wistful. “When I was in high school, I was doing cosplay. Like, I _made_ my own costumes. And not the shitty kind – I mean, _a real costume_. Now I run a _fashion blog_. How the fuck did that even happen?”

“I _so_ get that.”

“When you were in high school, what did you want to do?” she asked. “What did you assume you’d be doing, anyway?”

He considered this. “Well, when I was little, I wanted to be an astronomer –”

“A what?”

“Oh. An astronomer.”

She still looked confused. “I don’t…”

He explained, “I wanted to look at stars.”

“Oooooh.” She nodded. “Okay. Sorry. English isn't my first language, and – Continue.”

He laughed at her sincerity and went on, “There was the stars, but when I got older, I was _so_ into music. I thought I’d be doing that for my entire life. I even went to college for it, for a while.”

“You look like a musician,” she hummed in agreement. When he smiled at this like it was flattering, she grinned. “So, what changed?”

“Well – I almost ended up moving to Korea and teaching English there, halfway into a semester.”

“Oh. Are you interested in foreign languages?”

Jack considered this carefully. In all honesty, he had been dumb – a _dumb romantic_ , as Anti had so eloquently put it earlier – and thought that he found the girl of his dreams. He almost moved across the fucking globe for a girl he knew for a little under two years. Luckily for him, the relationship stopped working out before he made any big decisions.

Except, he had already quit school. His parents were ready to murder him, just about, and told him that he could either go to school for something _practical_ this time, or not at all.

“Not really,” he continued. “I moved on from it pretty quickly, you could say. But then I did end up going back to school and actually getting my degree this time, in hotel management.”

“Really?” she asked.

“Yeah, but I haven’t actually used it.” He laughed nervously. “Most of my income comes from my _other_ job. I write – obviously, you know that.”

“Right, right.” She nodded thoughtfully. “So, you changed careers three times. Vying on a fourth?”

“No, I – I think I’m good with this one, honestly.”

“See, that’s good,” she said. “That means you’re doing it _right._ ”

He bit back his smile and gestured to her. “So, was it just me, or did you have college antics and insecurities that drove your parents insane?”

“More than most,” she admitted. He tilted his head oddly, questioning. She smiled with slight bitterness. “My family has always had, like, _no money_. But then when my sister and I were old enough, we were planning on going to college. So I told them that I wanted to major in animation design, which – _did not_ go over well. And then I told them about fashion, and they thought it was stupid. But I did it anyway, and I studied abroad, and then I moved to the United States. And here I am.”

“Here you are,” he agreed. “The money stuff sounds rough. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “My sister and I moved out, and now my parents live on the same income – it’s a lot easier for them.”

“Still, that must have sucked.” Jack shook his head. “For some reason, my family didn’t have money problems like that, even though my parents had _way_ too many kids. I think it was solved because we were spaced out so well – my oldest brother is nearly fifteen years older than me.”

She grinned. “How many kids did your parents have?”

“Including myself and my two twin brothers,” he said, “there are seven of us.”

Signe’s jaw dropped. “Wait, you’re a twin?”

“Triplet.”

“ _I’m_ a twin!”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah, we’re identical. Are you – ?”

“All three of us,” he said, “with the _same face_.”

Signe smirked. “Oh,” she said, “Heaven, then.”

He felt his face heating up with the cheeky comment. He shook his head, trying so hard not to smile. “That – I don’t know how to answer that.”

“I am so sorry,” she said, yet didn’t sound very sorry at all. “I thought of it, and it just came out. I think I’m kind of past tipsy at this point.”

He gave a nod, settling it. “We can get an Uber,” he said.

“Both of us?”

“Yeah, it’ll take you home and then me right after. It’ll be fine.”

She smiled. Then, she nodded. “That sounds lovely.”

Jack raised a hand high above his head and cried out, “ _Oh, waiter!_ ” He didn’t miss the sour expression on Mark’s face – nor did he miss his best friend flipping him off while Signe’s back was turned. Immediately, he was giggling. “Okay – okay, I think the alcohol is starting to hit me, too, now.”

“Oh, you think?”

“I _strongly suspect_.” 

  


By the time Jack found his way into his apartment, the lasagna was gone and he was almost entirely sober. Anti was nowhere to be found, but Chase had welcomed himself to a blanket and a pillow on the living room couch. Currently, his brother was hugging a cup of hot chocolate while he watched a cartoon that he’d normally never be caught dead with, unless his daughter was around.

Jack sighed and dropped his coat and his keys onto the table. He walked around to face his brother, who sat with his snapback cap backwards on his head, curled up in blankets, looking thoroughly depressed. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Chase said, his voice barely above a mumble. “How did your date go?”

Jack smiled. “Pissed off Mark, but – Pretty well. It was awesome.”

“That’s great,” Chase said. He seemed genuinely pleased with the news. He had always been the sweetest, most innocent of the McLoughlin triplets. Jack almost wondered – _envied_ – how the guy never grew out of it, even when he became older and started doing grown-up things like having kids and getting married and working at a hospital.

Jack flopped down beside his brother, on top of the blankets. Chase didn’t budge. “Soo. You didn’t go home.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Jack shrugged. “I really thought you knew, man. This must be kind of – _confusing._ ”

“You have no fucking idea.”

“Have you at least talked to him?”

“He called me, like, twice.” Chase flipped his phone around in his hands, juggling it. He didn’t seem to appreciate the wonders of technology currently. In fact, it was the very thing that plagued him. “Didn’t answer.”

Jack watched him calmly sip hot chocolate for a few moments. “You don’t want to see him now?” he asked, hesitant. He wasn’t sure if continuously asking these questions would upset Chase – Lord knows he remembered what the guy’s _last_ big relationship fallout was like. Chase had acted like a whole other person for the better half of a year, before drowning in depression and horrible, horrible thoughts. Now, he had been prepared to actually go on the first date since his divorce, but then…

“Can we talk about something else?” his brother begged. “I’m – I’m tired. Please?”

“Sure. What do you want to talk about?”

“Uhh. Sports?”

“I don’t know anything about sports.”

“I _know,_ because you’re fuckin’ weird.” Chase let his eyes fall on the cartoon still playing quietly, as background noise to their conversation. Suddenly, he looked very, _very_ sad.

“Okay,” Jack interrupted. He picked up the remote lying on his coffee table and pressed the _off_ button. “That’s enough of that.”

Chase squawked indignantly. “I was watching that!”

“Go to bed, Chase. You really need it.”

Awkwardly, Chase placed down his near-empty mug of hot cocoa and curled his fingers in his blanket. He looked at Jack curiously. “You really don’t mind if I stay here tonight?”

“No way. Just get some sleep.”

“Th-thank you, Seán.”

Jack’s face broke out into a grin. Mostly, their family settled on the nickname – so, when they called him by his _real name,_ you knew it was serious. “No problem. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“Okay.”

Jack pulled himself out from the spot and started for his bedroom. He hoped that Chase would have the sense to actually talk to Bing about everything in the morning. He also hoped that Bing would understand how overwhelming it all was, and not be upset if it didn’t go over well. Then again, it was _Bing_ – hadn’t he resigned himself to being in love with his best friend years ago?

Jack knew he shouldn’t be rooting for anything or anyone except his brother – but, oddly enough, he hoped it all worked out, even for Bing. The guy wasn’t related by blood, or anything, but he might as well have been another brother on his own. He and Chase had always been attached to the hip. Honestly, he didn’t know how Chase never realized.

“Hey, um – Jack?”

Jack stopped at his bedroom door and looked at Chase. “Yeah, man?”

His brother was frowning. “I’m – I’m sorry Anti ate your lasagna. I tried to tell him not to, but – he never really listens.”

“Oh.” Jack shrugged. “Yeah, I know. It’s fine.”

“It was really sweet,” Chase insisted. “She would have loved it.”

“Thanks. I tried. Good night, Chase.”

“Good night, Jackie.”

Jack went to bed that night with the comforting thought that maybe, just maybe, things would all work themselves out in the morning. It’d be okay, and he might wake up to find his brother happy again.

Maybe. 

  


Things were most definitely _not_ solved by the morning. Chase seemed like he would be alright, for the most part, until his phone started ringing with his best friend’s goofy face on the screen – he automatically freaked out and excused himself to the bathroom.

Jack was left by his lonesome, waiting for his coffee to finish brewing. He wondered if he should eavesdrop, but decided against it. Whatever Chase and Bing ended up doing was their business and theirs alone. He shouldn’t care. He _shouldn’t_.

Jack was caught off guard by the apartment’s lock being turned. Anti was stepping inside moments later, with a box of pancake batter – _Jack’s_ box of pancake batter, which he was trying to discreetly put back into the cabinet, even though Jack was standing right next to the sink at the opposite end of the kitchen.

“Uh, _hello_ ,” said Jack.

Anti startled. Curiously, he turned around and let his eyes land on his brother. “Oh,” he said. “Shit. What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I live here?”

“Yeah, but I thought you had a date!”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “It was the _first_ date.”

Anti was suddenly grinning. “Awww,” he cooed. “You don’t put out on the first date? I always thought it was just Chase who was the ‘lil cutesy one – but, _Jackie_ , that is so – !”

“Why did you steal my pancake batter last night?”

“Um. I didn’t.”

“Okay, why did you _‘borrow’_ my pancake batter last night?”

“I _didn’t_.”

“Anti, what the fuck,” Jack said, “I just saw you put it back into the cabinet.”

His brother shrugged. “Who said anything about me taking it last night?”

“Oh. Sorry I assumed,” drawled Jack. “Is that all you came here for, or is my television next?”

Anti rolled his eyes. “It’s not as if you can’t _afford_ it. You could replace the damn thing and get a better one.”

“Shut up. I _like_ my TV.” His coffee finally finished its long brew and he brought out a mug. Behind him, he could hear the bathroom door opening and a suspicious amount of sniffles coming from their heartbroken brother.

“Why are you crying?” asked Anti.

“I am not crying,” replied Chase, even though he was very definitely crying. He sat down at the table and buried his face into his hands, the very image of pathetic dejection.

Anti looked up at Jack, who shrugged – _he_ didn’t know what to do, certainly. Upon realizing this, Anti pulled out a chair next to Chase and asked, “Is this about the gay thing?”

“I am _not_ gay.”

“What’s wrong with being gay?” demanded Anti. “Gay people are awesome!”

Chase lifted his head and gave him a long-suffering glare.

Desperately, Anti struggled for words: “Seriously, gay people do lots of great things for this world. Like – like – ” His eyes fell on Jack, a clear plea for help. When Jack looked just as lost as he was, Anti grit his teeth. “Okay, so – we’re straight, white guys who were raised by Catholics. We don’t really have anything off of the top of our heads. But that’s because we don’t know a lot of, like, _gay_ people. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them.”

“I have _children_ ,” said Chase. “Which involved some very not-gay things to happen. In fact, Stacy and I did those things prior to marriage, to the point that our parents wanted to fucking _murder us_ when she was pregnant. Being gay has never – ever! – been a question on my mind!”

“Okay, so you don’t swing any one way,” replied Anti simply. “It’s just semantics.”

“It is not semantics!” cried Chase. “It’s my entire life!”

Jack finally picked up his coffee and took a seat across the two of them. “Chase, Anti’s right. Being gay is _not_ scary. It’s just – a different kind of relationship.”

“But _I am not gay!_ ”

“Okay, well – _liking men_ isn’t scary.”

“I haven’t ever liked men before! It was – !”

“Liking _Bing_ isn’t scary,” said Jack sharply. When Chase said nothing, just sat there, staring at the tablecloth like a kicked puppy, Jack continued. “Look, obviously if you and him, like, _you know_ –”

“Get to the point,” interrupted Chase.

“Right. So, if you did that with him – you l-liked it, right?”

Chase’s face was bright red. “Are you seriously asking me if I _liked it?_ ”

Jack looked at Anti for help. Ever the sadist, his brother replied, “Oh, no, I am not helping you recover from that. I think I’m kind of interested in where you were going with it.”

Jack resisted the urge to pull his hair out in immediate frustration. “What I’m trying to say,” he rambled, “is that – it is important how you felt about it. Ignore the gay shit, just – what did you actually _think_?”

“What did I think?” repeated Chase. “You actually want me to tell what was going through my brain while we –”

“Actually,” said Anti, “I’m not sure if I – !” Jack kicked him under the table to make him shut up. Cringing, Anti nodded. “Just tell us. Because apparently ‘sharing is caring.’ Boundaries don’t matter _at all_.”

Chase frowned. “I mean – He was –” He looked down at the table again, grimacing now. “I was upset because I was supposed to be going out on my date. I told him I was just going to call her and cancel. He told me I was being ridiculous and started – _saying stuff_ , and then we were hugging, and I felt like I wanted to kiss him, so I _did_ , and – we just…” He sighed, clearly understanding the winner of the war within himself. “Okay. I see your point. Maybe I’m kind of an idiot.”

“It’s fine,” Anti assured him. “Honestly, we always knew you were emotionally constipated. Bing does, too. He won’t be pissed off if you call him.”

Suddenly Chase’s eyes widened. “Wait, call him? And tell him I’m, like, gay for him?” he said. “No way!”

“What? But I thought the problem was just solved!”

“I can’t – what, _date_ my best friend!” cried Chase. “I’ll fuck up one of the best things that has ever happened to me!”

“ _Jaysus fuckin’ Christ,_ ” Jack said, “make up your mind!”

“Plus – okay, maybe I like him, and – and it’d be _awesome_ , but – I don’t know how to, like, _be gay_. What the hell am I supposed to even do?”

Anti groaned. “ _By the Saints_ , we are just going in circles.”

“I am being serious!” said Chase. “Part of the reason why I haven’t bothered going on any dates for the past year and a half is because I fucked up the last one so horribly.”

“You didn’t fuck that one up,” argued Jack. “You just… fell out of love.”

“Yeah, and then she _hated me_.” Chase shook his head. “Everyone makes a big fucking deal about falling in love and getting some happily-ever-after. Nobody comments on when you inevitably fall _out_ of love, and she stomps on your cold, dead heart and gets custody over your children.”

“Chase, there is no universe in which Bing Iplier would ever hate you.” Anti rolled his eyes, entirely unimpressed. “Be realistic. Even if the two of you _did_ ‘fuck it up,’ he’d still be around. He’s not _just_ your best friend. He’s also _my_ friend and Jack’s friend, Ma loves having him over for the holidays, and he is your kids’ Uncle Bing. He is not going to disappear, no matter how much of a mess you two make of things.”

Chase flinched slightly. “Okay. Okay, I get it. But I – I still –”

Jack stood up from the table suddenly. “That is _it_ ,” he said. “We are going out.”

“Um. We are?” asked Anti.

“Yes. We are. Chase, do you have a coat?”

“Um. I have a sweater and my hat?”

“It’s _winter_. Why don’t you have a coat?”

“I kind of left my house in a hurry,” he replied bluntly. “There were certain things I had on my mind. And I didn’t want Bing to wake up and see me leaving.”

Anti laughed lightly. “Oh,” he said, “so you just let him wake up to you gone. You’re right, that is much classier.”

Jack started putting on his coat again. Chase took this moment to announce that, before they went anywhere, he had to take a leak. He excused himself to the bathroom for the second time that morning, this time for its proper use.

When they were finally alone, Anti glanced at Jack. “So, where are we going?”

Jack cleared his throat and pulled out his cell phone. Without bothering to answer his brother, he said, “Siri, what’s the closest gay bar in the area?”

Anti’s face paled.

“ _Hello, Seán. For ‘the closest gay bar in the area,’ I have come up with three possible destinations. Here is what I found._ ”

“You’re – ?” Anti gave a nervous laugh. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Siri, put this address into GPS.”

“ _Routing..._ ” 

  


The Downtown Affair was a quaint, normal-looking bar with a rainbow flag hanging over its awning. There were glittery streamers and a sticker on the door that said _LGBTQ+ SAFE HAVEN!_. Other than it, it looked like a very, _very_ normal pub.

It didn’t look very busy currently. Perhaps it had something to do with the time of day – they were probably a handful of people inside, most of which were bartenders. And yet, Chase still didn’t want to go inside.

“Why did you take me here?” he squeaked. “I told you that I’m into Bing and you’re trying to whore me out to all of the homosexuals in the state?”

“Nobody said anything about whoring you out,” snapped Jack. “But you need someone to _talk to_ about this, someone who knows what to fucking say. Anti and I don’t know shit about being gay, and we’re not able to help. _Ergo_ , you need a gay friend to talk to about this.”

“Did you just say ‘ergo’?” questioned Anti, as helpful as ever.

“Just – just a friend?” mumbled Chase.

Jack nodded. “ _Just_ a friend,” he said. “People go to bars looking for friends sometimes. It’s not weird. I bet gay people do it, too. You won’t be an asshole if you walk in there without the intention of getting laid.”

“Okay…”

The three brothers took their turns entering through the door. Once inside, they inspected the patrons nervously. Jack led the way to a barstool table with four seats, and they each took one. They all looked at each other.

“Um,” said Jack. “ _So_.”

Chase looked the most terrified out of all three of them. Awkwardly, he took his hat off and wrung his hands around the material. “I’m gonna get, like – water, or something.”

“Water?” said Anti. “In a _bar_?”

“It’s not even the afternoon yet.”

Anti, having lost interest already, pulled out his cell phone and started fiddling away on some nameless app. “This is going to be _soo_ much fun. Remind me again why I needed to come here for this, too?”

Chase huffed and started retrieving his wallet as he made his way to the counter. Jack watched him go, hoping that he would find someone to actually to by the end of all of this. His eyes then fell on Anti, who was being his unhelpful self with his phone. “Can you _try_ to be the least bit supportive?”

“ _Me?_ ” said Anti. “I was the one who had all of that shit to say, while you were there with ‘did you like it?’!”

“I was trying to be helpful!”

“You were being a lot of things.” Anti glanced around quickly. “Seriously, we are in a bar. Why don’t we just order beer?”

“It’s _early_ , though.”

“Like that ever stops us,” answered Anti. “We’re _Irish._ ”

“Come on,” whined Jack, “don’t _encourage_ the stereotype…”

But Anti was already getting up and heading for the counter, where Chase was about to order. Jack quickly realized how horribly this might go and hurried on after them, making sure to take their valuable belongings with him and leave their coats on their chairs to reserve the table.

The counter wasn’t very crowded. Only one barstool was taken up, and that was by a young man who almost looked like he wasn’t old enough to even be in the bar. Jack wondered if he snuck in, or something, but then realized that it made no sense to sneak into a bar this early just to occupy yourself with a binder and a notebook; he was clearly a student, doing homework for a class he did not want to be doing.

There was one bartender standing along the opposite side of the counter, now paying the triplets with his undivided attention. In fact, he was apparently laughing at some very funny joke all of the sudden as he looked at the three of them.

“Hi,” said Chase pleasantly. “Can – ?”

“Three beers,” Anti said. “Thank you.”

The bartender chuckled at whatever the hell he found so funny and obliged, taking three cold ones from a mini fridge under the register and laying them out on the counter. Chase didn’t bother taking his money from his wallet. Instead, he fixed Anti with a very annoyed glower until Anti was the one who grumbled and took out his own cash.

They returned to their table and took their respective bottles. It wasn’t particularly bad beer, as far as Jack thought – but then again, he wasn’t ever the pickiest about his alcohol, as long as it wasn’t whiskey or Guinness. Whiskey got him drunk way too fast, and Guinness was like a full-course meal on its own. He preferred things like beer, just a calm and relaxing beverage.

There was a group of men and one woman playing pool in the corner of the room, near the bathrooms. For a moment, Jack wondered if it would be a good idea to get Chase to calm down with the game – but then one of the men at the table saw him looking and gave him a _look_.

Jack averted his eyes and coughed. “Chase,” he said, “see anyone particularly interesting?”

“Umm…” He had his on his hat again, with its visor on backwards. Still, even with his most sacred clothing item that he _never_ parted with, he did not look very at peace. “I don’t – I don’t think so?”

In the corner of Jack’s eye, he saw the man who had caught him unawares say something apparently _hilarious_ to his friends – and then start walking right in their direction, smirking. Jack’s stomach twisted into knots. Perhaps, he reasoned, coming here had not been the best idea.

“Hey,” the man said, once he had finally approached them. He laughed and looked between the three of them. “Twins, huh? _Hot_.”

Chase and Jack wore expressions of equal horror. Anti, on the other hand, shooed the offending individual away with renewed enthusiasm. “Okay, very funny,” he said. “Now go away.”

“Oh, come on.” The man gave Anti a charming, sickly sweet smile, with his hand nearly moving into Anti’s personal space. “I’m jus –”

“ _Do_ not touch me, please.” Anti dodged the hand narrowly. He looked at Jack desperately. “Why aren’t you helping me!?”

Jack and Chase sat there, floundering. Jack wracked his brain for any possible way he could stop situation from escalating. On the one hand, they couldn’t tell the guy to fuck off, since they’d sound horrible, and probably get kicked out for being homophobic. On the _other hand,_ they really did want him to just fuck off.

“Hey, man,” a voice behind Jack said. The three brothers turned quickly, to find the boy who had been doing his homework at the bar fidgeting with his binder in hand. Up close, Jack could see that his face was full of acne, which didn’t help in making him look older. “They’re not interested. Just go away.”

“I was just _kidding,_ ” the man said. “I mean, look at them. _Obviously_ they’re all straight.” With a roll of the eyes, he went back to his friends at the corner of the bar and returned to his game of pool. The group jeered at him for his daring act, which they apparently all found to be hysterical.

“What a dick,” blurted Jack.

“A lot of those come by here, ironically,” quipped the boy. When all three brothers in unison – the _same_ laugh – only to stop and stare at each other and wish that they weren’t so painfully alike, the young man laughed out loud. “Seriously, though, you guys do know that this is a queer bar, right?”

“Excruciatingly aware,” answered Anti. “Jack, _all three of us_ just got hit on _at the same time_. Can we abandon this endeavor yet?”

“Will you stop being so _dramatic?_ ”

The boy looked between the three of them. “Wait, you all knew that this place was queer, and you came here anyway? That doesn’t really make sense.”

Jack gestured vaguely. “We don’t know any gay people, and Chase is having a gay people problem, and we needed a gay pers –”

“Okay,” the boy interrupted, “stop saying ‘gay people’ so many times in one sentence. Second of all, who is Chase and why is he having a gay problem?”

Anti and Jack both looked over at their brother. Chase, the subject of this slow and brutal torture, gave a sad smile to the kid. “I’m Chase…”

“Oh. Hi. I’m Ethan.” The boy bounced where he stood, tapping his fingers against his binder with a cheerful light in his eyes. “What sort of gay problem are we talking about, here?”

“I kind of – I might like, uh – guys.”

Ethan’s eyes widened slightly. Nodding slowly, he said, “Okay. That’s – that’s fine. That makes sense, why you’re here. You really don’t know what you’re doing, huh?”

“N-not really.”

Ethan looked over at the one empty barstool. He glanced at the brothers. “May I?”

“Go ahead,” they agreed.

Ethan obliged them, pulling up a chair and addressing Chase with genuine optimism. “So, there’s probably a specific guy you have in mind with this currently, if it’s a new development.”

Chase froze. “Why – why does there have to be a guy?”

“I mean, there doesn’t _have_ to, I guess. But, as far as I can tell – typically the way figuring out sexuality crap is a game of either – you _just know_ , or you saw someone and _really_ wanted to tap that. And judging by the way you’re handling this, you don’t seem like you were figuring it out on your own. So, is there a specific person you like or are attracted to, or… It might even be Diego the Perfect Stranger you just saw one day and just thought, ‘ _Damn. Hot._ ’”

There was a long silence at the table. Jack almost worried that Ethan’s sixth sense had broken what little sanity Chase had left. “Can – ?” Chase looked at both Anti and Jack, then at Ethan. “Can we talk about this, like, privately?”

“Dude,” said Anti, feigning a wounded heart, “you don’t _want_ us here?”

Jack hopped off his stool and promptly tugged Anti by the arm to follow. “Come on. Let’s give them privacy to talk.”

“Wh – Hey, wait, my _beer_ – !” Anti was growling insults at him the entire way over to the counter, where they took a seat next to where Ethan had previously been. “That was unnecessary.”

“You were being an asshole.”

“ _Me?”_

“Yes, you. Now shut up.” The bartender approached the two of them, and Jack smiled. “Water, please.”

“You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me.”

Jack started to dig through his wallet for money. “No, I am not.”

“I’m – _Fuck_ , Jack, the douchebag with the twin kink is looking at us again. I think his friends are – Can we _leave_? I don’t want to get hit on again!”

“We are not leaving Chase here by himself!”

“He has a gay friend now, mission accomplished!” said Anti. “We have been as supportive as we can be without losing our minds. Chase will understand.”

As it would eventually turn out, Anti and Jack would have snide and sexual comments spoken to them twice more before Chase and Ethan were finished. One such comment would be said by a friend of the first. The second time, well, was a patron who came into the bar much later and genuinely wanted to get into their pants.

When Jack and Chase parted ways with a very grumpy Anti, they made hot chocolate and watched movies. In a way, Chase was a thousand times more relaxed. Apparently letting him talk to someone who truly _understood_ the confusion was the right thing to do – he looked like he had had an epiphany, and when Bing seemed to have given up calling him in desperation, Chase was the one who called him.

Jack wished his brother well on his journey home. “If you need anything, just call, okay?”

“Thank you,” said Chase. “I think I just want to talk to _Bing_ now, honestly, but – I will, if I need to. I’m gonna go home and try to figure this all out.”

“Good luck!” Jack called after him. “Tell Bing I said ‘hey’!”

“Will do.”

“And ‘congrats on finally fucking my br – !'”

The door slammed. Jack laughed through a mouthful of hot cocoa and cheered himself on as a self-proclaimed comedian.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please comment or leave any form of criticism or love, I won't mind, it's all a part of growing as a writer! <3


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